Diana is the “leading light” of her local theatrical society. She would probably list her heroes as Margaret Thatcher and Attila The Hun. She thinks of herself as “professional”, due to a handful of tv bit-parts in her youth. She is the epitome of self-centred, mean and spiteful theatre-luvviness.
In the first of the four linked monologues she talks about the upcoming auditions for the group’s next production and how she expects to get the lead, despite a faux-pas over mistaking the new Director for Elton John.
The second monologue occurs after the auditions, when she did NOT get the part of Juliet as expected and was cast as “Nurse”. However, due to her sense of professionalism, she will, naturally, still give her all to the production, despite the obvious unsuitability of the young girl chosen for Juliet instead.
In monologue three she describes how she “inadvertently” dropped a packet of Jaffa Cakes into Juliet’s rucksack when she bumped into her in the supermarket, which resulted in Juliet getting arrested for shoplifting and having to drop out of the production. After much persuasion from the Director, Diana agrees to take over the role of Juliet, purely to save the show, of course!
In the fourth and final monologue, the reviews of the opening night are in and they are FAR from kind. Diana is not happy and holds the Director entirely responsible, because she NEVER wanted the part in the first place!
The character of Diana is the kind of self-important monster that will be familiar to many people involved in amateur theatre and is a lot of fun for any actress of “a certain age” to play!
The four monologues in Wherefore Are Thee may work best if separated by other pieces, as some minimal costume changes are required to denote different events and the passing of time.
The four pieces should run for a total of 25-30 minutes.
Roger addresses the committee of the Theatre Group, of which he is President. It’s not an easy job. There are unexplained biscuit discrepancies, Doris is too embarrassed to tell Prince Charming to wear more supportive underwear and Roger’s efforts to move forward on the choice of paperclips for the newsletters are hindered at every turn.
His arch-nemesis, Barbara, has also reached breaking point!
Chanelle, an engaged hairdresser in her twenties, shares her thoughts with a customer on why her ex-friend is “lower than a worm’s tit” and how she had to drop a bridesmaid who’d got fat. Hairdressing has made her “good with people”, you know.
The Good Wife
Claire has spent her married life turning a blind eye to her husband’s infidelities, but the time has come to face her choices and make a tough decision.
Following the death of her Mum, Maureen (“47 with a fat bum”), sits at home on a Saturday night and wonders whether her life might have turned out differently.
These three monologues can be purchased as one script, Choices.
They may be performed as the one-act play version of all three monologues, or separately as individual monologues. Different performance royalties will apply.
The author retains ALL copyright of the aforementioned work.
Mark C. Bourne 2006